


No Donuts?

by Warp5Complex_Archivist



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-02-22
Updated: 2006-02-22
Packaged: 2018-08-15 22:26:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8075215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warp5Complex_Archivist/pseuds/Warp5Complex_Archivist
Summary: Jon Archer and Trip Tucker go down to a planet where the oceans are filled with coffee. (10/21/2002)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Kylie Lee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Warp 5 Complex](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Warp_5_Complex), the software of which ceased to be maintained and created a security hazard. To make future maintenance and archive growth easier, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but I may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Warp 5 Complex collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Warp5Complex).

  
Author's notes: Notes: the idea came after reading hojo's coffee by Sugoi mog. This is sort of a humor fic. Notes pt 2: I hate coffee. Notes pt 3: I like Travis!! The fools that don't do an ep about him. End notes: yes...short...but ehh...it was just one of those "I'm bored...let me show you what goes on in my head!" kinda things hahahaha.  


* * *

"A planet where the oceans are of coffee? That's...one incredible thing." Trip commented during a meeting with the senior officers. The Enterprise crew had recently found a planet made of coffee. The officers had decided on the Captain and Trip, since T'pol didn't drink coffee, Hoshi wasn't too fond of travelling, Malcolm was wired enough already and Travis...well...since the creators of the show didn't even give a damn about Travis he isn't included in this conversation.

Trip and Jon met by the shuttle when it got time to depart. Jon saw that Trip had a few bags with him. Jon had decided to not even ask what they were for, and shrugged. Before they got into the shuttle pod, Dr. Phlox came running into the launch bay.

"Before you two leave, I must tell you something. Do not drink more than 5 liters of coffee. It can be dangerous if you drink more than that. Also..." He was cut off

"Yatta yatta yatta...we know we know Doctor." Trip said. Him and Jon entered the shuttle before Phlox could finish.

"D...don't swim in it either..." Phlox shrugged. "Hmm...whatever doesn't kill 'em will only make them even more feared." And walked off.

Once they got to the planet, they landed in a relative safe spot and proceeded to have hot sex for an hour. Afterwards they ventured out of the shuttle to examine the area. Jon started scanning the trees, and the area if there was any such life living on this rather odd planet. Nearby he could hear Trip whining and groaning about something.

"What's wrong?" Jon asked.

"It hurts!" Trip exclaimed.

"What hurts?" Jon saw Trip point to his ass. "Do you want me to make it feel better?"

"Better? How are you going to do that?" Jon moved closer to Trip. Trip moved away from Jon. Jon pounced Trip. Trip screamed. "AAAHHH!! LET GO OF IT!!! LET IT GO NOW!" He yelled.

"I'm not touching anything!" Jon showed both of his hands to Trip. Trip looked down and saw something gooey and liquidy covering his lower part of his body.

"Holy shit! The coffee has tentacles! GET THEM OFF!" Trip yelled. Jon ignored Trip and kept trying to seduce him. Trip punched Jon in the arm and pointed to the coffee. Jon looked down, then looked up at Trip's face then looked down again. He smiled then started sucking at his neck. Trip sighed and kept struggling.

A few minutes later the coffee was covering both of the men's bodies from the neck down. Trip couldn't move a muscle, and Jon kept trying to "make him feel better." Trip was seriously starting to get pissed off and bit Jon's ear, hard. He heard Jon moan some, and licked his eyelid. Apparently Jon didn't feel that as being erotic and looked up at him.

"Cant you see we're in a bind and all you're doing is trying to have sex?" Trip asked.

"Yes...I know Trip. But you realize that if I get to have sex with you first, there wont be any room for the tentacles! Therefore, having sex is the only option."

"W...what about you?" Trip asked, only fearing what the fearless leader would say.

"That's a secret Trip." Jon said. That was the last coherent thing that came out of either of the men's mouths for quite some time.

Eventually the coffee gave up trying to intrude, and uncovered the two men. After resting for a little while, Jon let Trip up and continued with the survey of the planet. Trip went off far away from Jon to collect some coffee beans and Jon did his various tests. When they were done they got back on the shuttle and went back to Enterprise.

"So what do you have to report Captain Archer?" T'pol asked.

"It's a shame there are no donuts on that planet." He replied.

"Captain." Dr. Phlox said over the comm.

"Yes Dr. Phlox." Jon responded.

"You need to go easier on Trip next time you go on an away mission." He said. T'pol just looked at Jon with that ever so evil face of death of hers.


End file.
